bLaCk

For you black means darkness to me its the DARK below the candle light

For you black means hatred to me its the HOPE in those million eyes

For you black means revenge to me its the FIGHT against self rights

For you black means killing to me its the grave of my BELOVED

For you black means murder to me its REBIRTH

For you black means death to me its the FAREWELL of the null

For you black means evil for me its my life its LOVE....

ECSTASY!!!!

Sitting on the shore of river Ganga I was looking at the sun rise..... I wish I knew what Romanticism was then... I fell in love with the breeze, I was in aw of water, I didn't know time existed and I wouldn't feel my body as I felt EMANCIPATION through my veins and not blood.

I just heard air gushing through my ears, numbness through my body, going the natures way of free fall as I surrender to gravity, then the gulp of Poseidon the swirl in which I swayed, I touched the core of the earth and I came back above.... I wish I could feel the same, but I guess the EUPHORIA just needs to end, that is its true calling... if not we couldn't feel the same rush again...

From far far away, I could see a little blemish on the white snow hidden mountains... It was the white house smearing light to the horizon. Everything was so peaceful so white, a sudden change of color of immediate ground looked red, it was the greatest gift of all the miracle of life. The mother steering in her kids eyes, as it starts to open its eyes to a anew world. Less of happiness but more towards tautness of life...

When you enter the hall of divine, with sparkling lights, lit faces and hymns in the air, it recalls ELATION for many. The belief of people on someone they cant speak, they cant see, they cant be with is extraordinary. To enchant his name from dusk to dawn, is this a real scenario or am I dreaming??? no wonder these times see such ATHEIST. But what still makes this ILLUSION still work??? no answer to this question is made. I wish our times see a modern miracle of god's own child.

i mean whaaaaaaat?????

I am just writing this blog coz i am really vella in-terms i dont wanna do office work.... my boss knows i m writing this blog but she aint in the mood to screw my happiness... so i m continuing to do so....

Now days a lot of things are on my mind.... and coz i m so vella everything has anger, rage and negetivity in it... i am pretty angry on the amount of rapes around us especially the delhi rape case when a officer of 50 tried to rape a 23 yr old and when she said no beat her to death infornt of 200 people. The anger is less for the police officer but more for the 200 coward onlookers to this whole situation... One more case which has crossed all heights is when a brothers (rapists) raped a girl the second time as well. @ guys were sent to jail on jan 2008 for raping a girl near Gaziabaad, they were set free after 2 years and in jan 2010 and again raped the same girl. First of all why do you give rapists only 2 years of jail wasn't it 7 years... that also doesn't matter they should be castrated... may be then they will know how manly are they. What pisses me max than this is I am just able to write a blog upon this issue....

The other things pisses me off is the impatience among our generation so called born in the 80's... Look at our parents in small businesses in government jobs.. so happy to have decent pay that can hold life well... but us we want all and we want expensive..... I have a friend who drives asantro what she wants now is a honda city... i mean dude already ur dad is paying the petrol coz ur salary is to the minimum buying a bigger car is mere stupidity.... i travel by bus even though i can afford a santro... then comes clothes, my brother wears a 5k puma shoe whereas my dad is still happy with campus or bata... i guess it should be vice-versa the one who is earning is sacrificing... how cruel!!! these are just smaller things there ate other things like air travel (whats the problem with rajdhani), junk corners (once is a while a kfc and pizza hut is good.. my mom makes better pizzas at home), new clothing (wait for a sale if you please... a stupid lacoste shirt costs a 4k, the janpath almost equal to orignal is for 300 rs), gf/bf maintenance that's the high point, salary why not 20k if ur earning 15 and also why not 5 lac when ur earning 1 (if ur not satisfies at least don't crib).................. etc.......

Then comes the emo phase which not only i go through but 50% of the janta my age feel the same....the rage is on facebook and gmail and twitter via sulky quotes, abusive language, blaming stuff on life and the best rock song lyrics... i say metallica, greenday, POTF, kings of Leon, sabbath must be enjoying this free publicity... the used of words fuck and asshole and moron and son of a bitch (beat it that with Astrix usage... like we wont understand it after that... are we 4.. now days a 5 yr old uses in day to day talks).... when its all done and u reflect upon what u wrote and what comments u get, it seems useless..... and u again become the weirdo in the public eye... which u wanted to be and when u gain the status its a PISS OFF!!!!

I can go on and on... don't wry would be updating it as i get more screwed up day by day....

Another things that crazes my head out is the meaning of pessimist. I mean if every thing was according to the thesaurus we wouldn't have been called the generation Y but called as the 6th kid of Satyavadi Harish Chandra...
I mean just that pople including me have a slight inclination towards the dark side, knowledge about devil, Satan, Lucifer, i say even freaking wolves and vampires... doesn't mean we are pessimists... What the fuck!
I mean do I say all politicians are morons, that why Delhi sees no rain... papiyon ki nagri hai... or why do you see sports are you getting any money or do you play....
why the fuck you have a crush on Johny Depp when you know he is way outta your league...
THINK ABOUT IT...huh!!

thou shall continue....

Why isn't there a mans day?????

we came with them... eve and adam
we made them... they cant produce you know!!
we cook for them, clean for them, we make a house for them... ya they are alive coz we are there....
we have the karwa chauth ka vraths (Though i am anti it)
we were suppose to be popes (but u knw jesus didnt tell it to a woman)
Arjun merely escaped a yr of womanhood...
Yuvashna bearded a child which was a crime coz he wasn't a woman
We aren't fathers coz we dont have the genitals... they aren't mothers coz they are not tender, careful, intelligent, generous, balanced, sane.....

(HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA..........
... I think a mans day is needed... every day is a woman's day)

unprepared....

I am like a man standing upon a long shore, with hideous cliffs frowning down upon me. The rising tide crawling slowly upon me from behind, it seems to grow nearer every day, the black pitiless tide. Not rushing upon me with great noise and a mighty impetus, but crawling creeping gliding towards me, ready to close in above my head when I am least prepared for the end....

The mundane reality…

It was school bored from studies, tuition and dependency….. Now with jobs we are bored of the same old 10 to 6 life, independent from parents but dependent upon boss and salary….

While is school wanted to be in a relationship talking about love and the perfect first kiss…. Today we think it’s all a myth…. True love is in books what we want is space and space alone….

During courtship period life is a hot-air balloon light, colorful and airy…. After marriage it’s like a closed box of fish cold, suffocating and it stinks….

While doing a job we thought savings…. Hmm…. Party, holiday, SUV, resorts…. Reality check…. Children, rent, electricity, school fees, doctors…. Arghhh…..

Now what is left is death…. Living a decent life you are 80…. Still struggling with health but nothing too bad…. Then financial loss… grandson/daughter taken over your property… cancer…. Old age home and yea no medicines…. God help you!!!

Even after realization and repenting still you will go to hell….

Please....

When I was born I never knew how often I would use the word please….

1. When I was born I cried out and asked my mom please tell these morons around me stop staring….
2. At 3 I asked my mom please clean my shit…
3. By 6 I asked the bully in my class please not to eat my breakfast and ask for my teacher’s permission to use my crayons which I bought….
4. At 10 I begged my mom to go for basket ball classes please please ma…. I hate kathak, but still kathak it was… I still can’t hold a beat after 3 years of training…
5. On the verge of puberty asking my elder sister- please tell me when this monthly hell is gonna end…. And she replied it’s just the beginning…
6. I was in high school…. I was fat, not popular, average at studies…. I stand no where… I used to ask god please either make me normal or make me geek… I don’t belong any where….
7. In college struggling with bratty kids, judgments passed on my clothes on the way I walk…. Asking them please stop mocking me… you live your life and let me live mine… they won’t listen…
8. In grad school finally got the people who would accept me as I am but by this time I was mature enough to let go anything….. the new tension here were would I get a job, how will I make money… it wasn’t my fault recession came…. God didn’t have a problem neither did my parents but my neighbor’s did… so I said please don’t butt in…
9. I am 23 I have almost 2 years of work ex…. I still don’t know what I want to do… lucky people who know this at an early age…. I am trying to live my life without hassles but its way not near it… I still need to get permission from my dad to go out…. I cant save money because I barely have any to complete my travel allowances per month…. Please leave me alone

Life sucks…. but when my junior pleaded in front of me and said please can I have an off tomorrow… I felt really good…. Then an addiction grew that of power… please isn’t bad at least when we are not the one saying it…

Death of the Y chromosome

He came….
He pushed….
She fell…. Blood spilled on the floor…..
The screams…. Fuck!!! Fuck you bitch….
Her trembling body, the wet skin…. He couldn’t resist…
You bastard she shrieked…. Don’t come forth
The smell of rebellion, with agony he stood up
He pulled her from her hair….
You can't take me in…. I am not yours
His devilish smirk… she could feel Satan on her
She cried, the purity abducted…. She couldn’t stand it….
She rose…. Sledgehammer in her hands…
Thrashed the enemy… as he lay there still….

"IT ENDS"

Oh the blue ocean, the mighty waves, the cool breeze, the immense blue lagoon….
Then the sparkly sky, the gleaming stars, the shady moon, the indifferent clouds….
They were all calling me, howling with the gods to attain my being…. A-las freedom!!!
The sins all pardoned…. The tautness all taken away….
The affection & emotion all lost….The trivial tasks of life come to an end….
What comes next is solace, end of all ailments... Confined to serenity I will rise above….

blue...

Reading Wallace Stevens and Ezra Pound…. I just feel why death is a metaphor for the walk of a tiger or why emperor of the ice cream talk about a funeral… but then the bulb lits up… isn’t it life that all the weird things actually make sense and the one which are true have taken a back seat in the human mind. The reason we have sound is to make people understand what they feel but when your lover holds your hand you know what they feel…. When you look in your best friends swollen eyes you know it’s been a bad day…. You see that your dad is wearing his shirt outside-in you know he is lost….. But some time the smiles, the tears in the eyes won’t talk…. This is what is scary…. Seeing lovers fighting on their future….. A girl sharing her feelings with a guy and he thinks she is just pushy…. A guy never says a thing of thanks or welcome or why when she is finished and is over whelmed after the talk…. You should know he has a life beyond you….. When people take divorces on petty issues…. Space is the key to success but too much of it just makes them go further apart… Just these things make me think…. What’s with the phrase “till death do us apart”… when the person will actually die then you will know their importance… why wait so long…. Why regret…..