Thursday, March 22, 2012

The Rape Diary

Day One: I woke up screaming and I felt blood flowing from my body, and I woke up again and there was nothing.
Day Two: The police tried to touch me on my ass my stomach my belly my arms in the cover of investigation.
Day Three: My case was filed and I was forced to recall everything and give a statement the next day.
Day Four: I remembered men abusing me, forcing me, tearing me off, pushing me, the movement is still in my head like my mother still remembers me in her stomach. I went speechless.
Day Five: The female officer told me to speak up or those maniacs go loose. Again I told them how I was abducted and raped. I made them see the scars on my back, arms and legs but not on my soul. Everyone was giving me condolences but they didn't knew what I went through and I wish no one does.
Day six: I went to the police station for final queries and I saw officers reading my notes and having a laugh. My misery was giving many men physical pleasure and laughter this made me sick and I was puking the disgust on my heart through the bile in my body against these cannibals who were eating my body piece by piece with every look they set on me.
Day 90: I was in the court still miserable looking at my parent’s sullen faces seeing me on the podium not as an abandoned woman but a girl who no one will marry and will sit on their heads forever. My molester standing in front of me and his eyes were piercing through me and that very moment I laid naked on the desk of the judge where he lay hammering my dignity and I see my mother dying every moment and my father exiting the hall as he can’t see me going through this trauma again and again.
Day 120: the judge asking me about what I wanted to do with these men and I cried out loud castration. The hall went silent and the judge said its inhuman, its anti law, it’s anti humanity. I asked him what he did to me was that all this, it wasn’t. I would want him to be raped but in this life time he can’t imagine what I am feeling. Why is our law so easy on criminals, he was sentenced for 7 years.
Day 1941: my parents were trying to find me a match but I refused to keep this incident a secret, the man needs to accept me like that. No man understood me. All hypocrites, I hated all men but still craving for the care and respect by them.
Day 1983: I heard my molester was out and it had only been 5 years. I was angry beyond repair and rapist out for good behavior. Where was that judge now who was telling me about law? My message for him was ‘dude he would obviously have good behavior, a straight rapist I a jail full of men where the hell would he force his devastation in an all men cell????’ I am pretty sure the stupid judge whose degrees have no importance in front of me would have no answer to this.
Day 1984: the molester is back to his family living happily and may be planning another rape. I still lonely, loveless, support less, abused, deranged, distressed, abandoned, hopeless, hurt, tired and unanswered.

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